My Wife Hit Me, What Should I Do? – 5 Empowering Steps to Take for Your Well-Being

Disagreements are a natural part of life, especially in a relationship where two people from different backgrounds come together. It is normal to have differing opinions and viewpoints. However, problems arise when disagreements escalate into arguments that become abusive like my wife hit me. Living with an abusive partner, whether it’s emotional, sexual, financial, or physical abuse, can be emotionally devastating and frightening.

The common narrative is that the male partner is the abuser, but what happens when the abusive partner is your wife? She may be emotionally or verbally abusive, saying hurtful things to you, and even resorting to violence when you do not respond to her. It can be challenging to get help or support when your wife appears to be calm and collected, and no one seems to believe your story.

If you are in this situation and looking for a way out, it’s important to seek help and guidance. This article provides helpful tips on how to handle an abusive wife and what steps to take to protect yourself. Remember, you deserve to be in a healthy and safe relationship, and it’s essential to take action to protect yourself from any form of abuse.

Signs Of An Abusive Wife

These are some of the red flags showing your wife is abusive:

1. She is Controlling 

Once you have a wife who wants to tell you where to go, who to go with, when to go and how to go or choose where you should work or what to do with your money or just wants to control everything going on in your life, then it is something to worry about. Yes, you are partners but that does not mean you cannot have a life of your own and you not succumbing to her controlling nature can lead to her being abusive.

2. Violence

One of the biggest signs of being abusive is reacting to everything with violence especially if they do not get what they want. Your partner should be able to handle things calmly no matter what.

3. Verbal abuse

If your wife resorts to insults and degenerating words whenever a disagreement comes up, then she is verbally abusive. You can always have a conversation without it ending up with an exchange of words.

4. Excessive jealousy

Jealousy is part of human nature and it is quite normal for partners to get uncomfortable seeing you with someone else but in the case of an abusive wife, she might get jealous over the silliest of things even when you pay attention to your parents, friends, and siblings. She wants to decide when you can talk to your parents or siblings and expects you to get permission from her.

5. Reacting over nothing

Abusive partners tend to react over everything and anything. They take everything to the extreme and leave no room for reconciliation when offended. Y

Reasons Your Wife Hits You

There is NO justification for domestic violence of any form but if you still want to work out your marriage then maybe you should consider why what is happening is happening and then what you can do to end it.

Here are possible reasons why your wife is hitting you:

1. She wants to get your attention

Men tend to have a selective listening ability and women love to say a lot of things at a time especially when the man is consistently doing a lot of wrongs and not paying attention to the emotions of their spouse.

After talking for so long, and observing that she is talking to herself, she might resort to hurting you to get you to bring your attention home and to make you feel exactly how she is feeling. 

2. It could be out of resentment

If your wife married you with high hopes of having a better life and it turns out that she is not getting all the promises you made to her, at some point in the marriage, she might start resenting you and this could result in violence in the marriage.

3. She probably regrets being with you

If your wife in the course of the marriage regrets marrying you, she can turn abusive. It could be just verbal or both.

Many times, women marry based on the impression a man gives to them, and into the marriage, reality sets in and she starts feeling there could have been a better option.

So, any little offense pisses her off so much she just wants to hit you to send you the message that she doesn’t care about you or how you feel about anything.

4. She may just be telling you to change and isn’t getting enough results with talking

Your wife might be hitting you because talking is not getting her the result she wants and she thinks the best way is to hit you to send her a message.

5. She is suffering from depression or has bipolar disorder

Your wife could be depressed for some reason or has bipolar disorder.

Whatever the reason, domestic violence should not be tolerated. You need to take immediate action to stop the cycle. If your wife is having any issues with you or the way you treat her, she has all the right to opt for divorce or seek professional help.

And until you see an effort from her, enduring is not an option.

Things You Can Do If Your Wife Hits You

1. Let her know she doesn’t have a monopoly on violence

You can warn her and let her know if she does it again you will give it back to her in her coin. When she sees that you are not taking it lightly, she will likely stop.

Show her some sign that you have enough energy to withstand her but choose not to retaliate not out of weakness but just a choice. 

2. If she takes your words as a mere threat and continues then opt for a separation

You can let her know that if she does not stop or go for counseling, you will move out and her actions will cause her to lose your relationship.

3. If the above doesn’t help then move out

The distance will most likely reset her head and make her see what she is about to lose. This could get her to be remorseful.

By doing this you will also get to know if she still loves you or it is mere hate she is acting on. It will give you a clearer picture of whether or not you should head for a divorce.

4. Call 911

Don’t overlook anything when it comes to your safety. Getting the police involved, and retaliating might lead to a more complicated situation that you will regret all your life so get the authorities to come to your rescue. 

Both the judiciary and the police have been working together to arrest and prosecute those who abuse their partners. So as a victim, you are very much protected and should not feel ashamed as a man to seek help.

It should not be seen as a private matter between husband and wife. Get your evidence intact. Snap injuries if there are injuries and attach them to the police report. Get a doctor’s report when the abuse is still fresh. These are evidence you will need in court.

5. Forget about reputation and whether people will believe you or not and leave first

If you die in the process, your partner’s reputation and yours will still be ruined. It will be a sad story that you cannot change things in the grave but when alive, you can tell your story properly and if there is any hope for you and your partner, you can work it out later. When she decides to seek help and change. 

6. Do not return until you’re sure your partner has gotten the help she needs

There are situations where spouses have been killed after returning home some days after they left home. An abusive person does not change overnight.

It will take time to get them to be calm, to think through anger and for you to even learn what triggers them, what you should do or not do.

Do not take anything for granted. See-through all the benefits you are gaining from the relationship and think of your life first.

7. If your partner won’t change or seek professional help then get a divorce

What the society of people around would say should matter less. If after separation you notice your partner has made no effort for counseling then please by all means get a divorce. Life goes on.

The most you can do is give her the benefit of redeeming herself by enrolling in a rehabilitation program to help her manage her temper and outbursts.

A willing partner that is ready to change will go through this process but if she is adamant then by all means, get a divorce.

Reasons You Might Want To Continue An Abusive Marriage

Certain things could make you not want to leave your wife even when you know your life is probably in danger:

1. You are blaming yourself for her actions

It’s common for victims of domestic violence to start making excuses for their abuser’s behavior. They might believe that they deserve the abuse and that their partner is only reacting to their actions. This can lead to a cycle of abuse, where the victim takes on the blame and the abuse continues year after year.

It’s important to understand that nothing justifies domestic violence, not even if you’ve made mistakes in the past. Your partner has no right to harm you in any way, regardless of what you may have done. It’s important to stop taking the blame for your abuser’s actions and seek help to break the cycle of abuse. Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and you have the right to a safe and healthy relationship.

2. You are waiting for revenge

Seeking revenge on your abusive spouse is not a productive or safe approach, particularly since you, as a man, possess greater physical strength. Trying to retaliate could lead to a situation where you are facing a murder charge. Allowing anger to build up inside of you and then unleashing it all at once is a recipe for disaster. It is crucial to handle the situation calmly and rationally, seeking outside help if necessary, rather than resorting to violence or revenge.

3. You are emotionally attached

It is not uncommon to feel emotionally attached to your spouse or to fear losing them due to financial dependence. However, this fear should not keep you in an abusive relationship. Even if your wife is your sole source of financial support, staying in an abusive situation can have dire consequences.

It’s important to recognize that physical abuse can have lethal consequences, and it only takes one violent episode to cause serious injury or death. Believing that your wife is incapable of causing you serious harm is a dangerous misconception.

If you find yourself in this situation, you must seek help and find a way to leave the abusive relationship. This may involve getting a job or seeking assistance from family, friends, or professional organizations that provide support for victims of abuse.

While the idea of starting over may seem overwhelming, it is important to prioritize your safety and wellbeing. Remember that you have the power to take control of your life and make positive changes for yourself, regardless of the challenges that lie ahead.

4. Fear of people doubting you or judging you, especially as a man

There is the norm of women getting abused but for a man to come out to say my wife is abusing me, it is seen as abnormal.

So it’s not surprising to see a man bottle up his emotions and stay in an abusive marriage without talking to anyone about it, especially when your spouse is perceived as an angel out there and has a very high reputation. You might not want to ruin her reputation.

Last Words

Dealing with an abusive spouse can be a challenging and overwhelming experience. The first step to take is to separate immediately, no matter the cost. You should try to mend things from a distance, as it is not safe to remain near your abusive partner.

Your spouse’s outburst is temporary insanity, and they are not thinking clearly. They may be punishing you for something they think you have done wrong, and the anger driving their actions can escalate from verbal abuse to physical abuse.

During the period of separation, consider living with a friend or relative who can offer you support and understanding. Take this time to analyze your relationship and decide if being with your spouse is worth it. You may begin to see signs you ignored earlier, which should serve as a warning sign.

If you decide to return to the relationship, make plans to help your partner seek help. Don’t assume that things will change on their own.

As a man, don’t be ashamed to move out or speak out about the abuse. Seeking external help can help you manage the situation and avoid making it worse.

Remember, even if the abuse occurs infrequently, it is not an excuse to stay in an abusive union. It takes just one instance for your life to be at risk.