Sibling rivalry is inevitable if you have more than one child. Children find it difficult to share. Almost all kids fear they’ve lost their parents’ love when a younger sibling is born.
Children may also experience personality conflicts, conflicts caused by age differences and divergent wants, or conflicts caused by similar wants and similar ages.
Even the most loving siblings can disagree and have terrible days, just like other people who live together. Kids also lack the maturity to understand that it may not always be their fault, and likewise, the negotiating abilities to resolve conflicts.
But, your parenting style can help your kids grow up to be lifelong friends and even resolve conflicts between siblings. How? In this piece, I’ll offer practical advice on how to survive siblings.
What is Sibling Conflict?
Sibling rivalry includes when siblings disagree, harbor hatred or envy, argue verbally, and even fight occasionally.
You may require assistance with the sibling relationship if one or both of your kids are subjected to verbal abuse frequently to the point that it is affecting their well-being.
You should also get assistance if one or both of your kids are frequently getting hurt or if you fear a serious injury might result from continuous fights.
Common Reasons for Sibling Rivalry
1. Adaptive Needs
Kids’ shifting wants, concerns, and identities naturally influence how they interact with one another. For instance, toddlers are naturally protective of their toys and possessions and are developing the ability to exert their will, which they do often.
Teenagers, on the other hand, are growing into independent individuals and may find it difficult to care for younger siblings, help around the house, or even spend time together. All these differences affect how siblings relate to one another.
2. Wanting Attention
A child’s desire for parental attention is almost equal to their requirement for food and water. While they would prefer complimentary attention, they will not accept any attention at all. When children fight to win your attention, they are aware that they can manipulate you.
Most of the time, parents are unable to build a strong sibling tie between their kids and instead, only concentrate on breaking up fights, but they must actively teach empathy and connection.
3. Individual Temperaments
To effectively learn how to survive siblings, you must know that the ability of your children to get along is greatly influenced by their distinct personalities as well as their different temperaments, which include their moods, dispositions, and adaptability.
They might frequently argue, for instance, if one child is laid-back and the other gets irritated easily. Similarly, siblings who observe their younger sibling’s unusual clinginess and want for parental comfort and love may harbor resentment toward the child since they want the same level of attention.
4. Parental Comparisons
While your younger child struggles to receive Cs and has terrible coordination, your older child succeeds academically and earns straight As.
Bringing up a contrast like this in conversation will only encourage rivalry, so keep your thoughts to yourself. It’s acceptable to observe differences in your children, but you should not always praise their positive traits in the presence of both kids.
5. Parents’ Behaviors
Children learn a lot from the way their parents handle conflicts and crises. Do you and your partner resolve disputes in a civil, constructive, and nonaggressive manner?
If your children frequently witness you shouting, slamming doors, and otherwise being noisy when resolving issues, they are likely to imitate those behaviors.
How to Survive Siblings As a Parent
1. Train Your Kids To Solve Problems
Parents are brilliant problem-solvers. However, they often handle issues so quickly that they don’t always let their kids figure things out on their own or educate them on how.
Family gatherings are an excellent approach to teaching kids the abilities required for group problem-solving and decision-making.
Therefore, the next time your kids fight over a toy or anything else, teach them to come up with their solution instead of solving the conflict for them.
2. Teach Your Kids Skills On How To Cope With Each Other
There will be some tension in every human interaction, and you can’t assume that children will always be able to resolve it amicably.
However, the majority of adults did not acquire effective social-emotional or conflict-resolution skills as kids, thus they are unable to instruct their children in these areas.
However, you may encourage your kids to express themselves verbally, but frequently they are unsure of the right words to use, and when they are upset, they cannot employ those calmer phrases.
You must therefore teach your children the language they need to communicate their wants and resolve their issues without hurting one another.
They will employ this ability in all of their relationships for the rest of their life. And sure, if you practice this often, you’ll notice that your kids start using this language among themselves without you having to step in!
3. Encourage Kids To Learn How To Control Their Emotions
How to survive siblings entails teaching your kids how to control their emotions. When kids don’t know how to express their strong emotions in the appropriate ways, sibling conflict can get out of hand.
By expressing what you see and helping your children to express their feelings in appropriate ways, you can help them learn to control their emotions.
Utilize words to express your feelings and desires to your kids. Teach them coping and soothing techniques like counting to ten, taking slow breaths, or simply walking away. Also, pay attention to and reward them when they do it right.
4. Encourage Collaboration
Sibling rivalry is common, but it doesn’t mean you can’t promote and encourage cooperation. In other words, by rewarding, naming, and praising conduct, you can encourage more of the desired behavior.
Your child’s ability to work with others will increase the more practice they receive. You may, for instance, request cooperation from your kids to clean the living room.
If they’ve never cooperated constructively before, they might require some direction from you to get started. Example: “Max, you use the vacuum cleaner while Rose cleans the furniture. If they succeed in cleaning the living room, let them know how proud you are of them and support their actions.
Also, as parents, you may teach your children to share and work together by playing basic board games that teach them how to take turns. Give them phrases to use when things go wrong and commend them for playing collaboratively.
5. Establish Ground Rules For Appropriate Conduct
Inform your children that there should be no name-calling, door-slamming, cursing, or raising of hands in the house. Obtain their opinion on the rules and what will happen if they breach them.
This discourages focusing on who was right or wrong and teaches your children that they are accountable for their behavior regardless of the circumstance or how provoked they felt.
6. One-on-one Time With Kids
Make sure your kids have opportunities to interact with one another without feeling the need to compete. In other words, planning one-on-one time with each child enables you to learn how to survive siblings effectively.
This will lessen the sensation of scarcity, which is most likely subconscious and can lead to sibling conflict.
Offer your children individualized attention based on their interests and needs. Take a walk or visit a park, for instance, if your child enjoys being outside. Make time for reading if another child enjoys doing so.
Make sure children have their own space and time to do what they want, whether it’s to play with toys alone, with friends without a sibling accompanying them, or to read.
Demonstrate and explain to your children that your love for them has no boundaries. Assure them that their needs will be satisfied and that they are valued, significant, and safe.
7. Give Your Children Their Own Space
Siblings have a lot to share, including parents, toys, family time, and the limelight. Siblings can become closer by sharing a room, but it can also be too much to share, especially for kids with very different temperaments.
Therefore, when children have a private area, such as a high cabinet to hide valuables from younger siblings or a tent bed so a child may be by himself when he wants to, can minimize sibling rivalry.
Some kids even get along better when their parents demarcate the floor with lines and arrange the furniture to create two distinct places.
8. Assign Different Roles
Sibling rivalry only develops when siblings genuinely believe they are competitors.
By changing how your kids perceive themselves in relation to their siblings, you can change this. Talk to your kids about their special position frequently.
This will boost your children’s self-esteem greatly, and doing so also eliminates any feelings of competition.
9. Foster An Atmosphere of Kindness and Gratitude
Make it a regular part of your family life to provide your kids the opportunity to show kindness and appreciation for one another.
How to survive siblings involves keeping a kindness diary, for instance, where you can record instances of good deeds between your children or those they bring to your attention.
Read short passages on kindness to your kids so they can experience the joy of giving and receiving, and so they can learn to see one other as a source of love and kindness.
10. Spend Time Together As a Family
It doesn’t matter if you’re watching a movie, kicking a ball around, or engaging in a board game, you’re providing a calm manner for your children to interact and bond.
This keeps you involved while easing tensions between them. Fun family activities might lessen tension because many children struggle over their parent’s attention.
If your kids frequently fight over the same items, such as football or who gets to use the remote control for the TV, post a schedule of which kid owns what during the week. Take the reward away entirely if they continue to argue about it.
11. Avoid Comparing Your Children
“Why can’t you keep your room organized like your sister does?”
By making comparisons between siblings, you could think you’re inspiring your child, but all he hears is that his sister is better and that you value her more. Therefore, just make necessary corrections without considering his sister.
You raise your child’s anxiety and stress levels by continually comparing him to his siblings and other kids. Also, because your kids desire to impress you, they can become nervous when they can’t achieve that. When they begin to think that everyone else is better than they are, it can affect their self-esteem.
When Should I Seek Professional Assistance?
If sibling rivalry becomes intense even after learning how to survive siblings, that interferes with daily activities or has a particularly negative emotional or psychological impact on children. Under those circumstances, it is advisable to seek out mental health assistance. Seek professional help for sibling rivalry if it:
- Is so serious that it is interfering with your marriage or other relationship.
- Creates a genuine risk of physical injury to any family member
- Is harmful to that family member’s self-esteem or psychological health
- May be connected to other significant issues, such as depression
Conclusion
Be aware that children may occasionally fight to earn their parents’ attention. Then you might want to think about taking a break on your own. The desire to fight is gone once you go.
Moreover, if your patience becomes short, ask your partner to step in if their patience is currently stronger than yours.
When you are worn out or under stress, it is difficult to be a calm, consistent parent. Even the calmest parent might lose it when their children are constantly at odds.
Therefore, how to survive siblings effectively entails making your well-being a priority by doing something just for you every day. It’s important to spend some time away from kids, preferably with friendly adults.
Finally, see your doctor if you have concerns about the fighting between your children. They can direct you to neighborhood behavioral health options and assist you in determining whether your family might benefit from professional assistance.
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