Being held, caressed, hugged, kissed, eye contact, and a soft soothing voice are common elements used when longing for connection especially when you just want to be held.
Loneliness isn’t a desirable state for anyone because it comes with tons of side effects that could take your life off balance.
Therefore, you might be wondering if it’s normal to just want to be held and how to satisfy your longing for connection.
In this guide, I have put together reasons why you just want to be held,
What Is Loneliness?
Loneliness is the inability to truly connect with people when you’re around them, as well as the inability to truly connect with yourself when you’re by yourself.
For instance, when you’re alone at home or on the road while being by yourself or even surrounded by people you can’t converse with, this can make you feel lonely.
This is because we’ve grown so distanced from one another that we mistakenly believe being alone means we have no one with whom to converse.
However, you can explore your inner life and learn more about yourself by having a conversation with yourself when alone rather than feeling lonely and seeking the need to converse with someone else to fill that space.
Many of us lead lives where we feel as though we are entering loneliness when we return home from work or school because there is no one to speak with.
When we go home at night, we can make dinner, turn on the TV, and then go online to speak with others on Facebook or Twitter, thinking that this is social contact. We employ these activities to avoid being alone and it can make us feel like we just want to be held.
As good as social connections are, they enable us to disconnect from our feelings and thoughts. Hence, you must learn to connect with yourself while alone before reaching out to connect with others.
Human Connection as a Survival Mechanism and Inherent Need Of I Just Want To Be Held
Everybody occasionally feels challenging emotions, such as anger, fear, and loneliness. The survival strategies that kept us alive throughout the Stone Era are still present in these emotions.
We experience fear because it enables us to flee from harm. When we experience rage because it motivates us to combat an adversary; Loneliness functions mostly in the same way.
We require family, friends, and a tribe. Humans once congregated in tribes of 150–200 individuals. Everyone in the tribe was acquainted with and dependable for one another due to their mutual dependence.
During those times chats were never useful to them, so they held actual conversations. They exchanged knowledge, stories, insights, and emotions. They passed on their knowledge to the next generations. established real groups and relationships as a result of their needs.
What Happened to Such Lifestyle As Time Evolved?
With loneliness, a longing where you just want to be held and connect with others. We still have a deep need to bond with others.
We start to feel lonely when we don’t have that connection with other people. But consider if we were immune to loneliness. Suppose the concept of “loneliness” didn’t exist.
Would you ever feel the urge or want to leave your home and spend time with others if that were the case? Would you ever look for relationships or friends? Not.
Therefore, loneliness motivates us to get up, turn off the TV, and look for human interaction. Our families, love lives, and friendships are partially influenced by our capacity to feel lonely. That is if we can accurately identify loneliness and how we relate to it.
Is It Normal When You Just Want To Be Held At All Times
The cerebellum, mirror neurons, and parasympathetic nervous system all work together to stimulate a flurry of neurobiological processes in the brain during this reciprocally enjoyable encounter; when held by someone.
‘Feel-good’ hormones like endorphins, oxytocin, and serotonin are also released in abundance, causing a euphoric state.
Infants also have an innate neurobiological reflex that causes them to feel deeply at ease and relaxed when they are held.
Likewise, parents will also feel reassured knowing that their infant is being calmed while feeling secure and at ease.
In this way, via the practice of self-soothing in connections with others, we all learn as newborns how to manage anxiety. Without these interactions, we would be alert, stressed, and vulnerable all the time.
The central nervous system, motor neurons, sensory neurons, and other homoeostatic processes in the body coordinate the neuronal pathways that cause this “soothing response.”
This means that other techniques may help calm both adults and babies, like employing a soothing voice tone, making eye contact, making skin-to-skin contact, giving a gentle touch, and being held in the fetal position.
How The Body Responds When It Just Wants To Be Held
According to neuroscientists, the parasympathetic neural system and the cerebellum cooperate to control this reflex.
The cerebellum is a part of the brain that performs a variety of tasks, including proprioception (the knowledge of one’s bodily location and movements within a spatial dimension) and homeostasis (physiological homeostasis).
In response to when you just want to be held, the parasympathetic nervous system is engaged to assist slow the heart rate, controlling breathing, relaxing the muscles, and producing endorphins.
The cerebellum is crucial in producing a calm state by calming the muscles, lowering the heart rate, and promoting restful breathing.
We grownups also experience this. By giving our friends, family, and partners a hug, holding them, or giving them a gentle caress, we can initiate these sensations of calm and tranquility in them.
Why You Just Want To Be Held?
According to research, loneliness is on the rise, and it might be more hazardous to your health than being overweight, smoking, or having high blood pressure.
We all lead hectic lives in the modern era, attempting to combine jobs, education, hobbies, self-care, and other responsibilities.
Our social relationships frequently get neglected. But social interaction is more significant than you might realize.
Social interaction can boost your immune systems while reducing anxiety and sadness, assisting with mood control, and raising self-esteem and empathy. We jeopardize your health by ignoring your urge when you just want to be held and connected.
How To Build Connection When You Just Want To Be Held
The truth is that we’re in a period of genuine disconnection. The screens all around us keep us disconnected from nature, from ourselves, and from others, even though technology seems to connect us more than ever.
Wi-Fi by itself cannot satisfy our social requirements; to survive, we require face-to-face interaction. Technology ought to strengthen rather than replace our social connections.
Not every introvert needs to develop into a social butterfly because humans have an innate craving for human connection.
Each person’s definition of human connection will be different. And it’s okay if you’re unsure of where to begin while looking for a meaningful relationship.
Here are some suggestions to assist you when you just want to be held:
-Try out a new club or hobby with a group.
-Speak to a friend you haven’t seen in a while.
-Volunteer for a cause that matters to you.
-Eat your meal in a public area.
-Meet your neighbors and introduce yourself
-When you need aid, ask someone for it.
-Perform a random act of generosity.
Recognize that you’re not the only one If you just want to be held. additionally, that you are not required to live alone. We all require connectivity.
Simple Methods of Creating Human Connection
You could go out at night and eat or drink with some pals. But, not just engage in casual talks without having a meaningful conversation that enables you to build genuine connections.
Oftentimes, we hardly ever open up about what’s truly going on in our hearts and brains. We avoid going into detail about our troubles, pain, or other negative emotions.
Although we aren’t connecting with other people this way, we perceive this as sociable in our imaginations.
Therefore, as earlier before you can fully love someone else, you must first talk about loving yourself.
You must first learn to be at ease and cherish spending time with yourself before looking for ways to deal with your loneliness through company or distractions. Only then will you be able to sincerely love someone else.
Is Your Relationship Style Connection Seeking?
If you have a connection-seeking relationship, it means that you place the highest value on feeling connected to your spouse ignoring your inner self.
Also, you desire and require your partner’s availability greatly. When there is a sense of separation between you both, you may feel uneasy or even anxious.
Additionally, you are aware of your partner’s requirements and make efforts to meet them. When it seems like your partner is ignoring your needs, you would feel hurt. Therefore, you devote a lot of time and effort to your relationship with your partner if you feel like you just want to be held.
Three Underlying Needs For A Connection Seeking Relationship
Attunement
Attunement is the ability and willingness to comprehend the thoughts and feelings of another person. A deeper, more personal connection is made possible by attunement. You want your partner to understand that you just want to be held
Romance
You want to feel unique, whether it’s through a thoughtful note or a gesture like breakfast in bed, always being there to hold you when you just want to be held. You want to feel special in your partner’s eyes more than anything else. The desire to feel deserving of your partner’s attention and effort.
To Feel Needed
People who look for connection in a relationship also want to feel needed especially if they just want to be held. You want your partner to depend on you if you have a connection-seeking relationship. You want to be respected for what you bring to the relationship.
The Challenge With Connection Seeking Relationship Style
When you’re upset or angry in your relationship. It’s usually because you’re doubting your partner’s feelings for you. You might even start to doubt your partner’s love for you in the middle of a disagreement.
You may be hyper-aware of the moments when your partner misses the clues like when you just want to be held or don’t comprehend the needs because of your connection-seeking relationship style.
Even though this is less often than usual, you might concentrate on those isolated incidents, and they might stick in your memory since you want your partner to make you feel heard.
You’re inclined to reach out more if you believe your need for connection isn’t being met. Most likely, your lover will withdraw from you; Unless stopped, this cycle could continue.
6 Tips For Loving a Partner With a Connection Seeking Style
Ask About Your Partners Day and Genuinely Listen
Show your partner that you are interested in what they have to say by asking about their day. Don’t talk about yourself when you feel like it; just listen.
Be Accessible
Eliminate all outside noise and focus on your partner. Ignoring your phone and giving them uninterrupted time will demonstrate to them that they are your top priority.
Verbally Affirm Your Love
Remind your lover of the reasons they are so significant to you. Let them know how much you value them and their impact on your life.
Express love
A simple hug or kiss can go a long way if you just want to be held. Make sure to show your love physically.
Arrange For a Memorable Experience
Try something new with your friends, whether it be rock climbing, dancing, or traveling somewhere new.
Sit Close to Your Partner and Make More Eye Contact
This will let your partner feel your presence, both physically and emotionally. They’ll feel closer to you if you look into their eyes and hold them close especially when your partner just wants to be held.
Conclusion
Loneliness is not a fatal illness. However, thinking about why you feel lonely and how to combat why you just want to be held requires intentional effort.
To do this, you must lean toward becoming more at ease with both yourself and the concept of trusting others.
However, if you initially are unable to enjoy your presence and essence, no amount of time spent with other people will ever be able to satisfy the feeling that you just want to be held.
Also, you can satisfy your longing when you just want to be held likewise the need for connection by applying the tips on how to build a connection with yourself and others discussed in this guide.
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