Parents are reluctant to face the unpleasant truth about my son and I do not get along. It’s okay if you experience this and are afraid. Parenting may be difficult and emotionally draining, especially when our children rebel, show disrespect, or don’t turn out the way we expected.
Everyone has expectations for how their children should develop and act, and it can be very upsetting when these expectations aren’t satisfied. If your child doesn’t turn out to be the person you expected, it could be because they lack the necessary academic or social skills or because they are negative and often complaining.
There are ways to create a better relationship with your child and accept who they are, as opposed to feeling upset and guilty. In this article, we will talk about what to do when my son and I do not get along:
Ways To Reconnect When Son And I Do Not Get Along:
Recognize Your Emotions
Do not suppress your emotions out of guilt or the belief that it is improper to resent your child. You just need to own the emotional reality of my son and I do not get along, you don’t have to like it. You cannot start to change until you are truthful with yourself about your feelings. What and why are you feeling this way?
It’s critical to acknowledge that neither you nor your children will always like the other.
Determine What Is Causing Your Emotions
Take some time to consider the reason why my son and I do not get along. Are your child’s actions being influenced by outside factors, such as issues at school? Or do your preconceived notions play a bigger role in why my son and I do not get along?
Perhaps my son and I do not get along because they are so unlike you. Or perhaps you dislike your child because they misbehave, are obstinate and rebellious, and cause havoc in your family. Many of these reasonable explanations for why my son and I do not get along exist. Why would you want a bad person in your life?
Try to keep in mind that the child isn’t the problem; rather, it’s the conduct you don’t like. It’s possible to love our kids and despise their behavior, but occasionally the two intertwine.
If you pay close attention, you can find that my son and I do not get along because of how you respond to their actions.
As parents, we can experience inadequacy, dread, or worry when childhood memories are revisited. Then we transfer those emotions to our children. For instance, if you received harsh criticism for having a poor report card as a child, you might be harsh with your child when they achieve a grade below an A. Keep this in mind, but don’t let it dictate how you raise your children.
Keep an eye out for any additional circumstances that could be influencing why my son and I do not get along. Your child might be affected by your conflicts with your co-parent, for instance. Perhaps you or your co-parent are not holding your child responsible for their actions.
Keep Your Expectations In Check.
You can improve your relationship with your child if you accept them for who they are. Managing expectations is necessary if your child deviates from them.
Keep in mind that you are ultimately the only one you can manage. Learn to leave some room between your response and your child’s action. You can learn how to be a composed parent by practicing emotional detachment in this situation. Resolve to strive to maintain your composure on why my son and I do not get along no matter how your youngster behaves.
Get More Familiar With Your Kid
Schedule some enjoyable time. Find out what your child likes and hates, as well as what makes them tick.
Children are more prone to react adversely when you make them feel judged, so try to listen without interjecting. The opportunity to communicate with you and open up about why my son and I do not get along will be valued by your youngster.
Remain Upbeat
Even when you are telling them a “no” or penalties, speak to your children as though you enjoy them. Avoid frowning and use a soft voice to communicate your concern for them. It might be challenging to maintain a cheerful attitude, particularly if your child has disrespected you and you are angry.
Be as upbeat as you can when dealing with them though because they immediately pick up on any bad emotions and either internalize them or violently revolt against them. Keep in mind that more than your words, your facial expression and voice tone convey a lot about why my son and I do not get along.
Keep your attention on the excellent and start expanding on the right. Don’t try to change your child or focus on what’s wrong with them. If you strive to give your child praise and acknowledge excellent behavior, your relationship will be better. Sometimes as parents, we pass judgment too quickly. Try to be mindful of your words. Keep in mind that your kid needs a coach, not a critic.
Finally, be less serious and more humorous in your dealings. Acknowledge that while my son and I do not get along, your interactions with them are what have made you detest them. Strive to love them without being overly concerned for them and to accept them for who they are.
Decide Not To Criticize
I have a trick that I’ll share with you. As soon as you get up, tell yourself, “Right, not a single complaint can leave my mouth today.” And give it a lot of thought and attention. Some of us criticize so automatically that we frequently aren’t even aware of it. Thus, make a deliberate effort.
Keep an eye out for your child’s accomplishments. Identify and highlight your child’s strengths. You could say, for instance:
“You appeared to be about to yell at your brother, but I saw how you collected yourself and left. What made you do that? That was amazing.”
It will assist both of you develop respect for one another if you can achieve this.
When Your Kid And You Have A Personality Conflict
What if my son and I do not get along because of our personalities? Your child might not be the friend you would have chosen for them. Maybe you’re too similar or too dissimilar. When you try to alter someone and carry a lot of disappointment toward them, problems arise. At that point, the vicious cycle starts.
Remember that your kid isn’t your friend. You can be pleasant without necessarily becoming a friend because your function as a parent is particular.
Coming to grips with who your child is can be aided by realizing that you don’t have to be their friend.
Other Advice
Completely Calm Down.
Anything helps you relax, such as eating, taking a shower, going for a stroll, or closing your eyes for a while. Allow the sadness, rage, or fear to pass on their own time. Your personality will determine how this occurs because some people prefer to talk, sing, or express their emotions via art, while others prefer to move around.
After everyone has had some time to gather their thoughts, ask your youngster to speak with you.
Start by gently opening the communication channel without making immediate eye contact (at first).
Invite Your Child To Listen To You Calmly.
You can try saying something like, “Hey, I made a mistake and would like to talk to you about that,” if your older child and you are separated by a closed door. Could I enter? If it’s possible, sit down next to her when you enter. Sit close by if she is seated in a chair that is too small for the two of you.
When your child is small and playing by herself, sit down next to her while first avoiding eye contact. Think of saying something like, “Hey, I made a mistake. I want to make that right.
Without Justifying Yourself, Enquire About Your Child’s Perception Of Your Actions.
Try something like, “Did you feel terrified when I shouted?” for a young child.
(Be you’re ready for the response, something like, “YES! Mama, you frightened me way too much.”)
With older kids, you could say something like, “I feel guilty about how I acted. Are you displeased with me? Doing so is acceptable. I’d like to know your thoughts and feelings.
Give your child plenty of breathing room when responding. She will be more able to digest the situation and carry less of it as a grudge later on if she can talk about what is happening in her body and mind.
Disclose Your Regrets. Name That.
Validate your child’s interaction with you by expressing your regret in a way that is acceptable for their age.
“I regret having yelled at you so loudly” ( please use a feeling term.) Avoid defending yourself. The sandwich was cut incorrectly, which is RIDICULOUS, but you were stressing out about it. Even if what your child did was unreasonable and irrational, kids act in irrational ways all the time. Without harming them, we can reply to that absurdity.
The Issue Has Been Resolved, But How Will You Behave Going Forward?
It’s time to reactivate your calm-down strategy, which you should have used in my son and I do not get along situation you regret. When someone loses it on us, it can be incredibly difficult to control our want to protect, strike, or yell.
Can’t it feel overwhelming to stop that physical reaction in its initial stages? Try a few different strategies until you find one that works for you automatically.
Whenever your heart starts to race, tell yourself to “freeze,” “pause,” or “halt.” Just remembering that one word could help you refocus and recall what your plan’s next step is (mine is to count back from 11). Use your sound reasoning to calm yourself and your child down once you’ve calmed down enough to do so.
What does my child need right now? is the most crucial query to ask
After attending to that need, give yourself some time to ask yourself the same question again. What is necessary for you to do when my son and I do not get along? How can you handle that? Is there something keeping you from being pleasant or reasonable?
Discuss Your Child’s Calming Strategy With Them.
If your child was having a full-blown meltdown when the bad parenting moment occurred, talk to your child about his or her calm-down strategy.
Please understand that controlling your child’s automatic, powerful urge to shout, throw, or yell is just as challenging as it is for you. Finding a strategy that genuinely prevents people from “letting their furious turn into cruel” will take some time.
Allow the strategy to change as each freakout occurs. What is effective when my son and I do not get along? What’s not? Adapt as necessary.
Apologize.
Look your youngster in the eye and apologize from the bottom of your heart. Show your emotions by hugging or sobbing. Tell your child what you will do to prevent yourself from acting in that way again. Talk about your future action strategy.
Act As You Speak.
Keep in mind what you said to your youngster. The steps should be written down and posted where you can see them. The way you handle the next stressful situation will determine how much faith your child has in you. Your child will believe you if you can do what you set out to do, which can help your connection endure difficulties in the future.
Your youngster may cease believing and trusting you if you have another regrettable parenting incident, and, and another. This expectation frequently extends to other facets of life; for example, your child can begin to lose faith in you if you don’t show up for him or her.
Recognize That Certain Events Are Too Monumental To Recover From.
It may be impossible to recover from a particularly frightening or traumatic interaction between a parent and child, such as violence, alcoholism or drug use, the threat of leaving, or extended separations, without the long-term assistance of a qualified mental health professional.
Please think about receiving treatment on why my son and I do not get along especially if you have gone through challenging moments in your life that are impacting how you interact with your kids. Self-help literature, conversations with friends, writing, or receiving treatment from a counselor, physician, or other reputable professional may all be helpful.
Conclusion
You are demonstrating to your child that you want things to improve by taking ownership of your feelings and making an effort. To your child, say:
“I’m sorry we haven’t always gotten along; I’ve been too harsh on you in the past. I am trying to fix it and I apologize.”
Your youngster will benefit greatly from that effort. Take a deep breath, accept your child, and work with them to develop into the person they were meant to be.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.